The radiotherapy was unsuccessful. The tumour is continuing to grow, and there’s no point in trying chemotherapy. I think people expect me to be bereft, or shocked or something. But they’ve not lived with Mum 24 hours a day. Did they think I would watch her lose feeling in her right hand side, or walk into things because she can’t see properly, or be unable to spell words anymore, and think that the radiotherapy had worked and she was miraculously getting better??
I am feeling equally stressed, miserable and selfish today. It’s a glorious day and all I want to do is sit in a beer garden with my friends and my boyfriend. I told him this and he said that we really need to re-assess the situation – what am I supposed to do? Tell my Mum she’s got to go into a home because I want to go to the pub more? It’s not as simple as that. I can’t just walk away.
But I’m not convinced I can live like this much longer.